Justice Is Blind
by MzMoon
Summary: “You won’t be regaining your sight, Sir Hellsing.” I felt the blood drain from my face, and I collapsed onto my bed. “What…?” It was the shadow of a whisper, the specter of a breath.
1. Vision of a Cross

**I slashed endlessly**, the glittering edge only narrowly missing the dancing figure in front of me. The abomination laughed, twisting and dodging away from strikes that seemed to move in slow motion. _I will not give in_. He darted behind a stone column, and the sword met it with resounding force. I gritted my teeth, fighting off the sickening impact of metal on stone. Sparks flickered over the sleeves of my green coat, leaving small scorches in the already worn cloth. _Well, nothing new there._ The phantom mirth filled the air once more, echoing off the high cathedral walls.

"Give it up, _Iron Maiden_, or we'll be at this all night."

My only reply was to swing the weapon in the air where he'd been a moment before. He chuckled, and I felt my eyes go cold. _That MONSTER!_ He stood in the open, daring me to come to him with a devilish smile. Bastard. I'd have to go.

I ran at him, bringing the instrument of destruction around in a whirling arc. The undead moved as a blur, ducking below my strike and grabbing my wrist. I only had time to blink before he'd broken it, forcing me to drop the weapon.Sweat ran down my brow and I gritted my teeth against the pain as he snarled in my face.

"Well, Sir Integra Wingates Fairbrook Hellsing, it seems you are in distress. What a bloody pity."

I growled, and threw my hand into my coat, searching for my revolver. He looked alarmed when the gun emerged. He had a right to be. Oh yes, he did. I had it pressed to his forehead in a flash, and his skin sizzled from the silver plating. It was gone the moment my finger tensed on the trigger. The gun clattered to the floor, the ringing thud resonating in the empty space. _Damn._ My mind raced, running over a thousand reactions and having too little time to process them all but one: Alucard.

"Fool!" He clamped onto my other wrist with a grip like iron. "Did you really think that you, a mere mortal, could destroy me? Pathetic! Where is your _pet_ now? Is he coming to _save_ you?" I did not answer. _Actually, that's the crux of the problem._ I didn't have a clue where he was. I had intended to do this one on my own. "Stupid mortal. No better than an enraged bull."

But my eyes betrayed the falsity of that statement.

They glared with a fierce intelligence and distain, the blue afire with righteous anger. Any idiot could see they unnerved the vampire. His eye twitched, and he growled, softly, "Stop that." _He doesn't like it? All the more reason to continue. At least until Alucard comes. He'll never let this go._

Outwardly, I increased the intensity of my stare. Inwardly I called. -_Alucard-_

"STOP IT! WENCH!" He dragged me behind the altar. I flinched as he slammed me into it. "I SAID **STOP!**" And again. The pain crept up my back, slowly overwhelming my senses.

-_Alucard!_ -

The monster roared, and lifted me up. The cross rose tall behind him, flanked by twin stained glass windows. The entire mess was very elaborate. Hardly a place to fight. I met stone again, and my thoughts became more and more frazzled. He towered over me, black form blotting out the holy symbol at his back. "I told you to stop, YOU INSOLENT WHORE!" _Whore? I'm a bloody virgin… he can smell that. Idiot._

He reared back, and my eyes shifted to the vision behind him, the first hints of dawn breathing life into the many paneled art. The glass began to sparkle, the solemn figures lost in prayer lighting up with the coming morn. Faint color poured over the unholy being's back, and brushed the edge of my coat. The stone cross began to brighten from black to grey, and then the claws came down…

… And I saw no more.

-_ALUCARD! -_

My eyes burst into flame, the intense pain shutting down my mind. Blood and something heavier gushed down my face, and I cried out in agony. I could hear laughing, but only faintly. Every other sense was overcome by the hurt… and panic. _I can't see I can't see…_ I yelled in pain, my voice strangled and thin. The thing laughed at me in delight. "Yes, bitch, cry out."

**-_ALUCARD! -_**

There was a creaking crash, like wood shattering. _Oh, thank God._ The vampire still held my aloft by one wrist, and it felt like my arm might leave its socket. But that would be nothing compared to what I felt now. My world was black, completely black. No swirls of color danced on the inside of my lids. Just pitch.

The monster spoke. "Ah, Alucard." I was dropped, and hit my head on what I presumed was the altar on my way down. My skull was numb, and my face slowly followed suit. Slumped against the cold rock, I cradled my wrist in my hand, head bent over it. Warmth was running over my swollen wrist. _What in God's name…?_

"Finally, No-Life King, I was waiting for the bitch to give in and call you."

"**What have you done to my Master_, you little shit!"_** The voice sent warmth down my spine. He was here… _Oh, thank God, thank God._ Funny I should thank God for sending the Devil…

"Why does it matter? Come and face me!"

Alucard made no reply, but the sound of his heavy boots thudding on the cold stone floor filled the air. It grew closer, ever closer. _Hurry._ _Please._ I struggled to move, but my muscles didn't want to co-operate. The heat filled my lap, and my arm was sticky with it. _What is…? _I felt air moving above my head, displacing a few of my hairs, and then there was a soft thud in front of me.

"Master…"

The undead trash chimed in, "What is it, _Nosferatu?_ Something wrong?"

I managed to twitch, then moved my lips with great effort. "Alucard." I opened my mouth to speak once more, and fell. I hit the ground with a thud, and my skull seemed to explode. I groaned, a moan of pure despair. _What has happened to me? So weak… _

"Master!"

And then… nothing.

**The boom of** **the Jackal** brought me back to the surface. Blackness, nothing but blackness. Pain seared in a line across my eyes, ripping my mind to shreds. I lay huddled against what still seemed to be the altar, cold, hard stone at my back. I was cold, so cold. All of me, except my hands and thighs. They were burning, covered in warmth. I lifted my head, and felt heat slide down my cheeks like liquid. _It **is** liquid._ I reached my good hand up, and smeared it on my fingers. _It's blood._ I caught something thicker in my fingers, and rolled it between them. _This is… Jesus! _I threw the piece of my eye onto the floor, and rolled over, retching. My chest heaved, and I felt the pull of the straps against my breasts. So real. I focused on that firm hold of the buckles on my aching back. The coughing subsided, ending in only a thin stream of thick liquid at the corner of my mouth.

The pain was like nothing I had ever felt before. My spine sent lightning signals of distress all the way up to the back of my neck, ending in the throbbing of my skull. I let myself melt into the floor, reducing into a limp collection of flesh and cracked bone. My hand rose to wipe away the wetness at my mouth. My gloves came away blood tacky. _Oh, no. I'm bleeding internally… I need medical help, now. What the hell is Alucard doing? _As if I summoned him with my thoughts, (which I probably did) arms wrapped themselves around my shoulders, lifting me into a sitting position against the altar once more. "Master… what has he done to you?"

"My back, and my eyes, God, my eyes… Servant, my eyes?" A cloth covered finger and thumb tilted my chin up, and I heard a sigh. _Is my face ruined that badly?_ I could imagine his wine-dark eyes, wide in shock and revulsion….

"You need help, Integra." My first name, which was never a good sign. It was a faint whisper, laced with despair. I had never heard such a thing from him.

"Tell me."

"No, Master." One strong arm slipped under my legs, and another encircled my shoulders. The pain in my back made me gasp, and I heard Alucard grunt intelligibly. _-My Master, everything will be fine. Sleep now.- _

The nothingness grasped me again, and I fell away from the world once more.

**I awoke with a start**.

I was lying down, in something soft. I moved a foot, and hit something hard. _A bedpost, I think. _There was a pressure on my face, and I lifted my hand to examine it. _Cloth, soft cloth. _The tightness went all the way around my head in a circle under my hair, which lay in a tangle about my face. I could feel the soft strands brushing against my cheeks. _I must be in my room. _I shifted my hips and felt silk slide over them. I must have changed into a nightdress. I only owned one silk nightdress, a white number I never wore. Why would I pick such a thing? I ran my fingertips over the soft bandage over my eyes. My head was still throbbing, and my world was dark. _Damn bandages._ _Why are they there?_ _Where am I?_

My fingers searched the smooth top of my night table for my glasses. I stopped mid search, and nearly laughed at myself. _What good are my glasses if I have that gauze over my eyes? Am I injured, perhaps? _I slipped my thumb under the edge of the bandaging and lifted it over my right eye. Pain erupted in my eyelid when I tried to open it. Shakily, I felt my eye. The eyelid was concave, and rough thread sealed it shut. I dropped my hand and screamed, "**WALTER**!" _He'll know. He will be able to tell me what the hell is going on. _I rose to my knees in my bed, and grabbed the nearest wooden column of what seemed to be my own four-poster bed.

That's when it hit me. I remembered everything. The vampire, the cathedral, Alucard, my eyes… "**WALLLTTTEEEEERRR!**" There were some thuds, and then there was a loud crash.

"Sir Integra! You're awake!" It was Walter, finally. "Your bandage, what did you do to it?"

"I wanted to know what happened. I didn't remember until now." I swung my feet over the side of the bed, and stood up, I swayed, and strong hands caught me. "Sir Integra! Please be careful, you're not well enough to be up and about yet." I grunted in reply. My condition was not important. There were things that needed doing, and some I could do until my sight came back. _I am Sir Hellsing, damn it all._ "When will my vision return to normal?"

There was silence, and I felt the hand that steadied me stiffen. "What is it, Walter?"

"You won't be regaining your sight, Sir Hellsing." I felt the blood drain from my face, and I collapsed onto my bed.

"What…?" It was the shadow of the whisper, the specter of a breath.

"I'm sorry, Sir Integra." I heard him choke on the sentence.

_Dear God… Help me._


	2. Shattered Cerulean

A/N: I ALWAYS forget the disclaimer and author's note. I'm so pathetic. In any case, welcome to yet another new story of mine. I hope you enjoy it, and comments and suggestions welcome. I will reply to all of them within a week, I promise. It's summer now, so I can do that. Enjoy!

Edit: Forgot a sentence.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing.

"**I'm sorry, Sir Integra."** He choked on his words, and I almost felt them catch in his throat. The hand on my arm squeezed delicately; almost like Walter was afraid I'd break. _He should know better._ He still had a grip on me, even though I'd fallen back to sit on my bed. The comforter was soft underneath me, a contrast to the silk covering my lap. _Blind. Dear God… Help me. _

"I think I need to be alone now. Thank you, Walter." The hand pulled away, and the door shut once more. I felt vulnerable, cold in the little slip of a nightdress. My world was a void. A void, an eternal void. _Is that what I must face?_ _A life in darkness?_ _How will I fight? How will I head Hellsing without my sight?_ _How will I do my duty?_ There were so many questions, and so few answers. _Does the Queen know about this? Where's Alucard?_ I tried standing again, and succeeded. I envisioned my room, the green wallpaper and the dark wooden floor. I tried to remember every position of my furniture, and frowned. Now that I thought of it, I couldn't. I took a hesitant step forward, and promptly bumped my hip into my nightstand.

_That's not going to work. What am I to do…?_ I needed out of the nightdress, now. I'd feel better dressed, but how was I to do that? How was I to do anything anymore? _Calm yourself, don't panic. You're stronger than this. _I ran my hands along the edge of the table, groping for my armoire with the other. My hand met smooth wood, which I knew to be cherry-dark. Soon I had both hands fastened around the cool metal handles, and I threw the doors open wide. I reached in and grasped cloth, probably one of my suits. _Perfect. _The texture was stiff and rough, just as I remembered. I wrestled with the hangar for a few frustrating seconds, then managed to unhook the clothing.

I guided myself back to the bed, and laid the suit out on it. _Here we go._ I briefly remembered the door, and wondered if I should go check it. _No, Walter shut it. I trust him. _I hooked my thumbs under the straps of my nightgown and slipped them off my shoulders. The silk slid down my body and pooled around my bare feet. I stepped out of the puddle of cloth, and banged my thighs on the side of the bed. I grunted in surprise, then felt for the pants of the suit. They were folded neatly on the hangar, and I tugged them loose. I felt along the waistband until I found the zipper, then struggled into them.

I hunted for the blouse next. It was easy to slip into, but the buttons escaped my fingertips again and again. I growled in annoyance as I tried over and over to button the blasted thing. I was only halfway done, when another pair of hands brushed mine away, and began to finish the job. The musk of blood, wine, and books with yellowed pages filled my nostrils. I reached out a hand, and I had barely moved it when I brushed fabric. He was close. Too close. "Servant."

"Master, my Master…" His voice was heavy, thick with emotion. Emotion? _Could it really be?_ _Was he… crying?_ Curiosity overwhelmed me. I gripped what seemed to be his arm, then moved slowly upwards. His shoulder, his neck… I felt him freeze with shock, and maybe anticipation. He had nothing to wait for… this wasn't a sexual touch, but with Alucard, everything is sexual. He is a vampire. It is in their heathen nature to turn an innocent feeling into lust.

I reached his face, and wiped away the liquid on his cheeks. Vampires cry blood. Another thing that marks them as inhuman. It made my fingers tacky, laden with the heavy fluid. "Alucard…" I wasn't sure what to say. What could I say? He was weeping.

"Master, it will never be enough." He buttoned the last button on my blouse, and his hands fell away from my shirt. "What I did to him, it will never be enough. Not to repay for this."

"What did you do?"

"I ripped him to pieces, and shattered his skull with a full clip. It wasn't enough. I can never repay you for my failure." I heard a thud, and my hair billowed in a rush of air. I waved my arms at about chest level, and brushed the top of his head. He had fallen to his knees in front of me. _What's gotten into him?_ _Does the monster feel guilt?_ I wasn't sure how I felt. I was empty, a cup with all the wine spilt, and two cerulean jewels shattered into a thousand shards.

I rested my hands on top of his mane of hair, which I remembered to be so dark. "Alucard, I-"

He cut me off. "Master, I will not ask for your forgiveness. I don't even have my own. I will never forgive myself. Never."

"Alucard! Get up." He complied, and I felt his presence in front of me like heat from an oven, beating on my face with insane force. It was always like this. He was his own little sun of power, and I alone felt the potent rays. Maybe Seras did too, but I had never asked. It was irrelevant. The way he affected me was my own to face.

"Leave me now, Servant. Pull yourself together." I said it with disdain, urging him to contain himself. Frankly, I didn't know what to do with him. I had never seen him like this before. (Technically, I wasn't seeing him right now either.) This was ridiculous. I thought he was stronger than this sort of sniveling. Then again, I never thought he could feel guilt, or remorse. I was confused, and when confused I become aggressive. I frowned in thought. _What now?_

"Yes, my Master." His voice was clear now, if quieter than usual. He turned, and I felt the passage of air, the brush of his coat against my shins. And, just like that, he was gone. The smell of him lingered, but the heat had dissipated. He always did that, left some element of himself behind. Sometimes I found it annoying, and other times I found it vaguely comforting. This was one of those times.

_So he cries for me… how… how… quaint. The knight **should** weep when he fails his lady. _ But had he really failed me? Was his job as protector forfeit? I didn't know. I sat back on the bed, landing on top of my suit jacket. I wasn't sure about anything anymore. Within the last 24 hours, my life had changed beyond repair. Or, had it only been an hour? A week? Walter hadn't said. I could have been out for a month, for all I knew. What had happened in my absence? Was the organization all right? I leapt to my feet again, and paused. _No, Walter would never let it come to that. Never._

And what of Alucard? Did he wish to atone for this grave mishap? I wasn't even sure it was his fault. I had misjudged my opponent, and gone in virtually alone. I had been cocky. And now… this. I covered my face in my hands, and took a deep breath. I would go on. I was not going to shed a tear over the loss of my eyes. _My eyes… gone… _Never would I see those twin icy orbs staring back at me in the mirror. Never would I see anything again! I felt myself break in that moment. Tears pooled in my hands as I sank to the floor in a heap. _How can I cry without my eyes? Tear ducts, I guess. _

I crumbled, and hated myself for doing so.

I snarled and picked myself up off the floor. _I will not succumb to this. I am Sir Integral Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing, and by God, I will be strong!_ I wiped the tears from my face, and groped for the bed, and my suit jacket. _There is work to be done. _

_And I will do it._


	3. In All Due Haste

A/N: Yet another lovely chapter! I hope that all of you enjoy this one as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thanks to my reviewers, you guys rock. 

Edit: Itaics fix. Sorry!

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing.

**A soft breeze** blew on my face, cool against the hot skin. We sat in the garden, the smells and sounds of spring all around us. By we, I mean myself, and my Braille instructor. She was a patient woman, and she smelled of roses. Overly so, in fact. Her perfume was almost nauseating. Still, she had more tolerance than I. The bumps under my fingers meant nothing. I could feel my face growing hotter with frustration. The metal and glass patio seat beneath me was uncomfortable, and all I wanted was away. I felt naked, my gloves gone to provide better contact with the damnable bumps. Besides, it was painful to be in the garden. I never really paid much attention to it before, so now I could barely remember the white and red blossoms in the springtime. It ached, in the center of my being. _There **has** to be **something** more productive I could be doing right now._

I knew it was a lie. This was the most important thing I needed to master right now. I focused back on what she was saying, and poured myself into the task. "Now, repeat after me, Sir Hellsing. A, B, C, D, E, F."

I ran the fingers of my left hand over the little hills and mumbled "A, B, C…" _This is going nowhere. _I simply could not make my mind grasp that the small ridges meant letters. I ran over paragraphs of print in my mind, seething that it was only in my mind. "… D, E, F…" I remembered the letters, bold in the pages of my childhood books. Books of knights and dragons, princesses and ghouls. What would I give to have that again? _I don't know. _My wrist gave a sudden throb, and I grunted in surprise.

"Sir Hellsing?" She sounded concerned. _Lovely. Just smashing. _The woman was nice, but mildly annoying. I sighed, and lifted my head from its downward facing position.

"Yes?"

"Are you all right, there? Do you want to stop for today?" A soft hand covered my left, and I stiffened. It was quickly withdrawn. Just because we were both women did not mean we were sisters. She had no right to touch me. Especially without my gloves. _Taking on new staff is tiresome. She'll get used to it or she'll leave. _The Queen would be upset, though. Her Majesty herself commissioned this instructor to me. She said I was to learn this infernal system if I was to remain in command of Hellsing, or something along those lines.

I opened my mouth to tell her yes, I'd had enough, when an all-too familiar scent filled the courtyard. _Alucard. Damn him. It must be later than I thought. _ I took a deep breath, and inhaled the thick smell of the evening. How could I have missed it before? The hairs on the back of my neck stood at attention. He was watching me. Somehow, someway. "Oh, hello there," the instructor called out brightly. "Come to watch, have you?"

"Yes." So faint, a shadow of the Alucard I knew. I felt him at my back, a presence I couldn't quite shake.

"I'm fine. Let's continue." I made my choice. I would not show such weakness in front of my "pet." Never. The endless rounds of the alphabet began again, but this time the devil's breath was sliding down my spine.

**It was late. **At least, that's what Walter had implied. The door shut behind him with a quiet sigh, and I was alone in my office. It had been three days since I awoke, confused, in my room. Three nightmarish days. I had been helpless, unable to perform the simplest of tasks without injuring myself, or messing it up. Still, I insisted to do theses things alone. Pride, maybe? Perhaps. But I had to prove… I had to prove something to myself. I studied Braille like a madwoman, and I had a basic command of the letters. Official documents were still a maze for my searching fingers. But simple things, like children's books, I could read with a decent amount of accuracy. My instructor was proud of me. _Marvelous._

And each evening, when the sun went down, he was there. Alucard was my silent shadow after dark. He never said a word to me, only to those around me. _In fact, he hasn't breathed a word to me since that night when I awoke. Not a word. _ I twirled a pen in my fingers, feeling the smooth ivory handle slide through my hands. The gold pin caught on my gloves, and I carefully detangled it. It took me longer than it would of before, because I had to carefully feel my way around the inlaid gold. I remembered it so well… it being my favorite. Funny I could envision that, and not the flowers in the garden at dusk. _I wonder, does that say something about my lifestyle?_ I smiled wryly at my empty office.

I pulled the stack of Braille documents towards me with a tentative hand, and took a deep breath. _I will do this._ I ran my fingertips over the first sentence, and frowned. _S-I-L-H-E-P-P…_ I tapped my fingers together lightly in puzzlement. _What could… Ah, yes. "Sir Hellsing." _I suppressed the urge to smack myself in the forehead. I leaned back in my high-backed office chair, and sighed. If I couldn't get past my own damn title, this was not going to work at all. I dragged my fingers through my hair, probably making it more rakish than before. The bandage over my sewn lids was long gone, and I had refused sunglasses. What was the point? I was blind. No amount of hiding would change that. The rest of the world could face it along with me. Besides, I couldn't see them cringe. Why should I care?

Jolts of electricity crackled down my battered spine. _Alucard. _

Something brushed my shoulder, and I nearly jumped. He was close, I could tell. There was a sudden rustling of papers, and the document I had been puzzling out was gently removed from my grasp. "Alucard, what are you doing?" There was no answer. More scraping of paper, and I felt his breath upon my cheek. I had parted my lips to order him to answer me when he began to read.

"Sir Hellsing, We of the Knights of the Round Table commend you for your recent bravery, and we are deeply sorry for the loss of your vision. However, we must inquire as to how you expect to continue fronting England's most important military group…" He continued on in a soft tone, more reserved than I'd ever heard him. "… And so, an inquiry will be made at the next meeting in two weeks. We apologize for any inconvenience. Please reply with all due haste. Most sincerely, The Knights of the Round Table." I growled, and groped for the paper. My hand was caught up in a much larger one, and the letter pressed into my grasp.

I ripped it up with a good amount of "due haste."

"Those bastards! How dare they? How did this get past the Queen?" I snarled at nothing in particular, and slammed my fist on the desk in rage. "This is an outrage! Two weeks?" I then hissed, having jarred my broken wrist on the wood. I leaned back in my chair and took a deep breath, when something occurred to me. "Alucard, where the Hell did you learn Braille?"

"Watching you, Master." Three words, more than he'd said to me in so many days. _It's probably simple for a centuries-old vampire to pick up a code of dots._ _Besides, he can see. I feel foolish. _ I waved it away with a mental hand. The sheets rustled again, and he was on to the next one. "Sir Hellsing…" I listened patiently to the list of equipment costs, then felt around for my pen. It was slipped into my fingers, and my hand was moved into position on the paper with a delicate touch. "Sign here, my Master." I did so, my hand forming the loops and whorls of my name. I drew them in my mind, great dripping letters cut into flesh. I shook my head, trying to banish the grisly image as I completed the last letter.

_Why is he doing this? Is this atonement? I don't understand… _It always seemed that when I had him boxed off, he went and did something unexpected. To call Alucard a "creature of habit" is both quite accurate and also extremely misleading. I remembered his mischievous grin, a display of formidable fangs. _I can imagine the somber face he must sport now. But only imagine…_

He moved on to the next piece of administration.

**Twenty minutes**. It took twenty minutes. The last paper was slipped out from under my pen, and I assumed neatly stacked. However, I doubted it. "Master…"

"Yes, Servant?"

"It's almost 9 o'clock. You need rest."

I laughed out loud, a chuckle. "Nonsense. I'm blind, not suddenly an old woman, Alucard." I pulled open my desk drawer, and found my tin of cigars by feel. I slipped off the cover, and it clattered to the floor. It was back in my hands in an instant. _Jesus!_ I tried not to let my surprise show. If it did, he made no sign. I stuck the cigar in my mouth, and reached in my pocket for my silver lighter. This, too, was pulled from my fingers, but this time accompanied by a hiss of pain. _Idiot._ I smiled at my own little joke as heat flared up in front of my face, and I inhaled the sweet smoke.

"Leave me in peace, Alucard. I want to enjoy this smoke without it too being plucked from my grasp."

"As you wish." The breath on my cheek vanished, along with the feeling of eyes on the back of my neck.

I settled in for a good, nerve-calming cigar. _I'm going to need it. An inquiry in two weeks! It's mad! _How was I to prove that I was still capable? Was I even capable? Could I honestly allow myself to remain in command? _No. I will not doubt myself. When one doubts oneself, others begin to follow suit. Have faith. _I blew smoke out of my mouth, and heaved a smog-laden sigh. _Faith. I had faith in my protector, and he failed me. I had faith in my father, and he died. I had faith in my uncle, and he betrayed me. Do I have any faith left?_ I took a long drag. _Yes, I do. Faith in God, faith in the Queen, faith in my country_, _faith in its people._ _And they all have faith in me… I will not be the one to fail them! _

_I will not… not like he failed me._


	4. Memories Lost

A/N: AAAAAHHHHHH! I just bought the first episode of the OVA, and I'm currently freaking out. AAAAAAHHHHH! I'M SO HAPPY! -Clears throat- Anyway, thanks to those of you who stopped and took the time to review. I really appreciate the input. Sorry this took so long… I'm struggling through my writer's block with fangs and claws outstretched.

(Anonymous Reviewer Responses Below)

To Ashley: Not quite. You'll see. (She has Braille documents, so they don't know she can't read them.)

To Crossfire: Nice to see you again!

To Integra Admirer: Thanks, and I love Teggy too.

To Tigerlover 77: Thanks, and I will, assuming you read it. : )

To Nightcat: Thanks!

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing.

**The high-backed chair** was stiff, and uncomfortable, like all the other chairs in the dining room. The poor excuse for padding dug into my shoulder blades through my jacket and blouse. I held the fork in my left hand, and my broken right lay in my lap. _This would be hard enough even if I had my sight. _I poked around the plate and winced at the scrape of metal on glass. My searching tines found a square of meat, and I slowly brought the fork up to my mouth. I nearly missed. "Bugger," I whispered. Finally the steak found my tongue, and I savored the heavy taste.

"Sir?" A timid voice called from a good distance away, probably at the other end of the table, near the door.

"Yes, Seras?" I sounded tired, even to myself.

"I've-I've come to make my report, Sir." I sighed, and set down the fork on my plate. _Why did Walter send the girl in while I was eating? Or, did she come in herself? What does it bloody matter now; she's here, isn't she? _

"Then take a seat and do so. Please, Seras, make it fast." Bed was starting to sound very inviting. _I've had a long day… and night, for that matter. It must be close to dawn. _I heard the scrape of the chair on my left, and a rustle of cloth as Seras seated herself, I assume.

"Well, the um, target, was eliminated. However, we did lose one man." Her voice dropped in sorrow. _Poor girl must hate herself right now. Good. It will teach her caution. _I turned my head to where her voice was coming from, and I almost felt her squirm. _What a sight I must be! _

"Another life _wasted_. Such a pity, don't you think?"

"Ah…" I heard her swallow. "Yes, Sir Integra."

I decided to be kind. I smiled. "Seras, if the sight of me bothers you, than look away. I won't know." I turned to look straight ahead, and my fork began to explore my plate again. Seras stayed put, like a good soldier. I hadn't dismissed her. I found a hunk of potato, and brought it to my lips with care.

She broke the silence first. "Sir? How do you do it?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Well, first you stab a piece of food. Next, you put it in your mouth. Then, you chew and swallow. It's quite simple, really." I popped the potato into my mouth and demonstrated. She chuckled nervously.

"No, I mean, how do you keep going? If I was blinded… my whole world would end." I sighed, and set my fork down once more with a sharp clatter.

"Seras, the world will not end because I can no longer see it. If anything, it moves faster. The freaks will be out in full force now that I can no longer play an active role in exterminating them. I have no time to grieve, no time to wallow in sorrow. I must be stronger than I ever was before. I know that in my heart, in my soul. That for God and Her Majesty, I must be all I can be, and more. The trust of the country is in us, and I will not make them regret it. And, no matter what, neither will you."

"Yes, sir!" She stood, the chair skidding on the floor.

"However, I have a special assignment for you. You are to stay here at the mansion tomorrow night. Details tomorrow, as well. Now, go to your coffin. It's almost dawn. Good day. Dismissed." I heard the soft impacts of her shoes on the wood floor all the way to the door, and then the squeak of hinges as she exited.

I smiled at my plate. _Finally! Then I can get some rest._

**Sometimes I regretted** refusing a cane. This was one of those times. I carefully put one foot in front of the other, my good hand on the hallway wall. I knew that when my hand bumped an ornately carved picture frame I would be directly in front of my room. So, I walked. There was a flurry of footsteps closing in from behind me, and a chatty conversation as well. Their words died quickly, probably from the sight of me. The footsteps picked up pace, and I felt them pass by me, with a "Good Morning, Sir Hellsing." A woman's voice, probably a maid.

"Good Morning," I growled back. I was in no mood for pleasantries. The footsteps faded away, ending with the opening and closing of a door. My hand ran into carved wood, and I traced the lazy designs. My door was right across the hall. I took a deep breath and crossed the hall in two strides, hands out in front of me. I found the door, and entered the privacy of my room. _Only one more thing before bed._

_-Alucard-_

"Yes, my Master?" A sudden chill invaded my room, and I shivered.

"You will be dealing with tomorrow night's heathens. I expect them to be taken care of cleanly and efficiently. Understood?" I found my armoire, and grasped the handle in my left hand.

There was a pause, and then, "Of course."

"Seras will remain behind."

He only grunted in reply.

"I'm going to bed now, you should retire as well."

"Good Morning, Master." I felt him fade away, the temperature in the room returning to normal.

I dressed for bed, albeit slower than before. I left my suit in a pile on the floor, and slipped under my covers. The room's spring heat was laced with ice once more, and I felt the singular sensation of being watched. _Does he ever give up? _I felt myself slipping away, and even with the phantom eyes holding a silent vigil, I didn't feel safe. My vulnerability was a chill in my limbs, even under the thick winter comforter. _Cold? In the spring?_

_Will I ever feel safe again? _

"**Reporting for duty, Sir!" **_Seras certainly is bright this evening, but this leaves me with a dilemma. Is she saluting, or not? _I sat stiffly in my office chair, and sighed. _Risk sounding like an idiot, or risk her standing on ceremony? _I decided to take the middle path.

"Very good. Come, take a seat." _There, that can be seen as an "at ease" or not._ I listened to the small noises of her movement as she settled herself in the chair across from my desk. Little sounds I had never noticed before. _How… odd._ _I once read that losing one sense made the others stronger. _"I'm sure you're curious as to what your assignment is."

"Yes, sir." _She does love that phrase._ I folded my hands on top of the pile of documents I needed to wade through.

"Read this out loud." I scooted the first paper towards the opposite edge of my desk. It was slipped out from under my touch, and she cleared her throat.

"Director Hellsing, We of the UWAS, Railway Division, are filing a complaint with the recent actions of your organization. We feel that you have overstepped yourself in the process of crowd control by destroying our workplace. The railway workers who are a part of the United Workers Association for Success are being put out of the workforce. We at the UWAS (Railway Division) cannot simply stand by and let them go without some form of restitution. We demand that you fund the rebuilding of the 142nd station and see that registered UWAS citizens are given jobs. We feel that these are reasonable demands, due to the extent of the damage. Hoping to build a better workplace, The UWAS Railway Division." She finished with a flourish, and then, "But what does this have to do with my assignment? I don't understand. Although, those railway workers are brave for standing up to us, even though they don't quite know what they're blabbering about."

I sighed. "Seras, reading me these papers _is_ your assignment. As for the union, don't worry about it. Just start up my computer, please. There should be a document format for official letters, with the Hellsing crest at the top and a place for me to sign at the bottom." There was some clicking, and the hum of my computer filled the room.

"Found it," she said triumphantly. "Now what, sir?"

"Take down what I say. To the UWAS, Railway Division…" I dictated a response to the UWAS, basically telling them, "tough luck." Those ungrateful fools. They had no idea who they were dealing with_. Crowd control, honestly now. Did they not see the ghouls? Well, perhaps it's best. I wouldn't want to have to explain it to civilians. _The printer whined into life, spilling out the document on expensive tan paper. I remembered the color and texture of it, and wondered why we bought it. Well, why Walter bought it. He handled office supplies. Not directly, of course… being the chief of my staff, he merely gave instructions to a lower staff member.

"Did you spell-check it?" I heard her gasp, and there was some frantic clicking.

"Err, no. One second." She made some adjustments with the keyboard, and then the printer clicked, and spit out a new copy. I still wasn't quite sure.

"Read it back to me." She did so, and I pointed out several errors. More typing later, she slipped the finished letter under my hands. I found my pen, and set my hand in writing position.

"Um, sir? That's the middle of the letter." I sighed in exasperation.

"Would you be so kind as to line me up, Seras?" A warm hand brushed against mine, and careful fingers set my pen on the paper in a different spot. The hand lingered, before being quickly withdrawn. _What was that about?_ I signed in as straight of a line as I could manage, then had her place it in a pile.

_It's going to be a long night…_

**An hour and a half**. It took us almost two hours to get through twenty-five papers and ten additional responses. _ Dear God. We're finally done. _I covered my face in my hands and took a deep breath.

"Sir? Are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine." I let out a sigh. "I'm just rather peeved it took us so damned long."

"I… I'm sorry, Sir. That's my fault." I raised my face as she stood, an automatic gesture.

I smiled by way of apology. _That's what I get for speaking my mind. _ "No, Seras, you did your damnedest. Don't. Just… don't start pitying yourself. That is a road to disaster."

"Yes'm."

"Dismissed. Enjoy the rest of your evening, Senior Officer."

"Yes sir. You- you too."

I fished around in my drawer for my cigars, expecting to hear the door. When I didn't, I called out, "Yes?"

"I, well, I just wanted to say that It's not hard to look at you. I've been thinking, since you said that, you see, and I don't have trouble looking at you, sir. Oh, bugger, that didn't come out right!" I heard her gasp, and I chuckled despite myself.

"Thank you, Seras. I'd return the compliment, but it would be nonsense coming from me, now."

"Well, right then." The door opened and shut, and I was alone. Instead of resuming the hunt for a smoke, I scooted my chair back and stood. I walked around my seat, and reached out a hand to touch the full curtains that covered my office window. I lifted them back with my left hand, and put the tips of my right on the cool glass. I couldn't quite remember the view, and I could only imagine it now.

_Funny, the things you end up regretting in life. _I let the curtains fall back into place, and wondered if the office light was still on. _Someone will turn it off, I'm sure. For now… I'm going for a bloody walk. _Maybe, just maybe, I could make up for those lost memories…

…_Who am I fooling? I can never regain that lost time._

_But, I can at least try to make new time. _

I carefully guided myself around my desk, and made for the door.


	5. Understanding

A/N: Thanks to the folks at Hellsing Reviews, and captainecchi in particular for reviewing my story, and picking at the little details. I will strive to do better in this chapter. I am SO sorry this took me so long. I had a serious attack of writer's block, and I've been busy, on top of it. Oh, this one is also thanks to my boyfriend, Bryan, for making me get up off my asterisk and get this done. Hugs to him. 

Sorry If I replied to you twice; I lost track of who I had replied to and who I hadn't. Please forgive me.

Anonymous review replies:

Gumdrop: Thanks! I'll do my best.

Crossfire: I finally beat the block! W00T!

Ashley: I have no idea. However many it takes.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing.

**My shoes clicked** over the flagstone path, and I heard the humming of various nighttime insects all about me. One buzzed quite close to my right ear, and I swatted at the air in its general direction. It flew off, the noise fading against the background ruckus. Each step I took was carefully measured, and the only reason I hadn't stubbed my foot yet was because of the thick toe of my leather shoes. _They'll be all scuffed up, after this. My laundry staff will be delighted. In fact, it's a miracle I got out of the mansion intact._

A stone planter met my foot with a good solid thud. I paused, and then reached out to the flowerbed. My hands trailed through soft blossoms, fragrant and velvety. There was a sudden sharp pain in my left ring finger, and I hissed. _Roses. Of course._

"Master."

"Alucard, can't I have a moment's peace?" I sighed, and shook my head. _No, never, so why do I even ask?_

"You're bleeding." His voice was carefully controlled, and I imagined his face was the same. It was always like this, when I was injured. It made me wonder: _how did he manage to get me to a hospital when I was bleeding from the eyes? That must have taken an interesting amount of effort. _

"Really? Is that so, my servant?" I pulled my hand from the roses, and let it hang by my side. I could almost feel his gaze boring holes in my palm.

"Yes, Master. It is. Shall I clean it for you?" I heard the thud of a thick leather sole on stone as he took a step closer.

I smiled, cruelly. "No, I think it will be just fine." He made no reply. I was faced with another dilemma. I did not want him to see me struggling to walk without hurting myself. _There's a bench nearby, or I could sit on the planter._ I went to lift my foot and realized something. _He could have been watching this whole time. If I sit down, he'll know I'm covering for my own shame. Walking it is._ I continued my slow shuffle down the garden path, and I heard the impacts of his boots as he kept pace.

"What do you _want_, Alucard?" The footsteps halted, and I too slowed to a stop. I didn't bother turning around. What was the point?

"To talk."

"About WHAT?"

"The fight… when you lost your eyes."

"What the Hell were you _DOING, _anyway?"

"Being eaten."

_EATEN?_ "Explain yourself."

"There isn't much more to explain, Master." He said it patiently, and it infuriated me. "I was exterminating the ghouls, as you ordered, and I was swamped."

"Swamped," I hissed. "You were overrun, is that it? You and I both know that you could only be overwhelmed by choice. Was it fun? Did you enjoy them ripping into your flesh? Did it get you off, monster?" By the end, I was yelling.

He said nothing.

"Answer me, Servant." I said it with malicious pleasure.

"Yes, Master. I enjoyed it, and now I regret it." He was somber, and I imagined him hanging his head. _No, of course not. He'd never hang his head… I should make him._

"Regret? That's what you call it? Can you even feel real guilt, I wonder? Do you even know what remorse is_, demon?_ Did you know when you lived?" This time I didn't wait for him to answer. "No. You don't and you didn't. Don't speak to me of regret." I sneered, and clenched my hands into fists. _I need to calm down. I'm going to make a fool of myself. _Problem was, I had no desire to contain myself.

"… Integra-"

"DON'T YOU **DARE** SAY MY NAME!" I screamed it, loud and long. "You no longer have that right, you bloody FIEND! I am going to lose everything, don't you understand? EVERYTHING! The effing knights of the effing round table are going to strip me and my family of our HONOR and our POSITION! This is IT, Alucard. This is the end of everything! I hope that you are entirely proud of yourself. You've FAILED in your duty as protector!"

Silence, besides my heavy breathing and the blood pounding in my ears.

He broke it with a laugh. "So, you're just going to throw up your hands, _Master?_ That is it? The end? Funny, you almost sound like a defeatist. I thought you had more in you than that."

My back was turned so I let the confusion show on my face. _Wasn't he ready to break, just a couple seconds ago? What has gotten into him? _ The maniacal laughing grew louder, until the courtyard was filled with his deep tones.

"Shut up."

No change.

"Shut. Up."

It grew in volume, the thick, mocking sound boring into my skull.

"SHUT UP!"

He slowed to a quiet chuckle, and I whirled around. The noise stopped altogether when faced with my yawning sockets. "What are you saying, Alucard? That I

"Use it, Master. Don't succumb to the anguish. We have both been there, and both you and I know that path leads nowhere. Feed on it, my Master. Do not let this defeat you. I have seen you with the eyes of Satan himself, and even then I have admired your strength. Fight it, Sir Hellsing. Do not let this board of desk-riding knights take from you all you hold dear. …Integra, do not let my mistake end your world."

"That's funny, I seem to recall you weeping on your knees, clinging to my legs. Have you forgotten, Servant? You have no right to patronize me." I set my face in stone, and began to think. _I have faced demons and heathens. I have watched atrocities, and I have ended hundreds of cursed existences. Can I let this …mistake … be my destruction? _

_And, is it even his fault? _

_I intended to take on the vampire alone… a foolish decision. I see that now. I forgot about my own mortality, the possibility that I could destroy the world with my death. What would have happened if I had been killed? We were lucky, that this is all that happened._

"Mas-"

"You're right." I took a deep breath. "I was a fool. I still am a fool. I'm letting this control me, and I simply cannot do that. We both erred in that respect. And in truth, I cannot lay all of the blame upon your head. I wanted to kill the vampire alone, and I forgot that that meant endangering myself, and my life. However, that entails more than the end of my existence. It also means the end of your imprisonment, and that I will not allow. It was irresponsible, and unforgivable. However, allowing yourself to be unable to come to my aid was also irresponsible and unforgivable."

"So, we agree then." I heard the humor in his voice, and I decided to ignore it.

"Yes." I smiled wryly, and decided to speak my mind. "Speaking of your imprisonment, why weren't you delighted when I was near death, monster? I seem to vaguely recall you being in quite a bit of distress."

"That, my Master," he slowly said, "I will not explain."

I opened my mouth to speak, when Alucard grunted. "Ah, Police Girl. Enjoying the evening?"

I heard Seras' distinct yelp, and some scuffling. "Yes, Master, I, err, was just going for a walk. You are always telling me I should appreciate the nighttime more!" The words spilled from her mouth in a tumble. I smiled, amused at such a silly excuse.

"I'm going back in. Seras, would you mind escorting me?" _There. That will give Alucard and me some time to mull over the conversation. _

"No, sir. Not at all." I heard the tap of her heels on the flagstones as she fell in beside me.

"You lead the way, Officer Victoria."

"Right." She began to walk, and I followed the sound of her footsteps, still keeping a careful stride. It wouldn't do to trip, and make an idiot out of myself.

The walk was mostly silent. She occasionally grasped my shoulder to lead me up a step, murmuring a quiet, "Careful." In this manner we navigated the manor, and made it to the hallway in front of my room. My fingertips brushed the ornate swirls of the picture frame that marked my door, and I took the hallway in two confident strides.

"Good Night, er, Morning, Sir Integra."

"Good Morning, Seras." I smiled kindly, and reached for the knob. A gentle hand guided my good one to the handle, and rested it there with a small squeeze. I arched my eyebrow in surprise.

"Please get some good rest, sir." Her tone was worried, and a little strained. _What has gotten into her? She's rather emotional. _

"I will, Seras. Now I'm sure you have work to do." I opened the door, and stepped inside.

"Yessir."

I shut the door behind me with a soft sigh _So strange… _

It hit me with a laugh. _She likes me! That's it. Seras has a crush on me. How… delightful. I never figured her for a woman-lover. _I sank onto my bed, and chuckled. _That really is quite cute, but still… It's inappropriate to have feelings other than loyalty for a commander. She should know that. Seras needs to control her emotions before they get in the way of her duty. I can expect no less of her, and she should expect no less of herself. _

I ran a hand along my sheets, and discovered Walter had laid out my night's attire. I fumbled with the buttons on my jacket, and then slipped it off my shoulders. _I'll deal with it tomorrow. For now, I need rest. _

_And tomorrow, well, we will see.  
_


	6. Velvet Lips

A/N: Another chapter! This one's pretty short, but I pumped it out in two days! YIPPEEE! This may feel OOC to some, and if so, please let me know.

Anonymous Replies:

Crossfire: Thanks! Hope you like this one too!

Ashley: In my story: You'll see. In the actual canon: No.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing.

"**That's it, Master."** The last loop of my name finished its course, and I set down the pen.

"Very good. The rest of the evening is yours, Alucard." I heard the creaking of leather and the sigh of cloth as he stood, and then he was simply gone. The warmth of his presence vanished, gone like it had never been.

_Now for the rest of my unfinished business. _I picked up the receiver on my phone, and hit the speed-dial for operations. _Walter ought to be there. _It rang once, and then Walter's familiar tones sounded in my ear.

"My lady?"

"Has Officer Seras returned from tonight's extermination?"

Walter grunted, and I heard the crackle of a radio. There was some shuffling, and the faint murmur of his voice as he spoke into the wireless system.

"Senior Officer Seras Victoria has indeed reported back to base." He said it with satisfaction, like he received the utmost pleasure from providing me with this information. Walter was always like that, so happy to serve.

"Send her to me."

"Of course. Right away."

I hung up the receiver, and folded my hands on my desk. _Now, how am I to do this? Shall I let her admit it, or shall I attack the issue right away? _

_I'll simply confront her, and then chastise her. _

_And what if I'm wrong, and she doesn't see me as any more than her commander? No, I'm sure of it. The time she told me I wasn't hard to look at, when she squeezed my hand, when she was so emotional, when we were writing the documents… It was so obvious. Why didn't I see it until now? _

A knock at the door announced my planning time was over. "Come in."

The door creaked open, and then shut with a quiet click. "You sent for me?"

"I did." I sighed, and placed my hands about shoulder-width apart on my desk. "Officer Seras Victoria, step forward." I waited for a second, and assumed she had done so. "It has recently come to my attention that you have some unacceptable emotions for someone in command. Is this true?"

"Yes, Sir." A muted response. My eyebrows shot up in surprise at such a truthful answer. _That was not what I was expecting._

"The relationship between commander and soldier is of loyalty and trust. This can sometimes be mistaken for feelings of love, or even lust. That simply cannot be tolerated. I don't know if they were lax about this in your previous occupation, but here in Hellsing it will not be acceptable." I stood up. "Understood?"

"Yes… I just can't help it, Sir! They're so amazing! They have such courage and bravery, and they always know what to do in complicated situations, they always keep their cool, and they're so… cold, and untouchable. I just want to… I want to…" She gave a frustrated sigh.

I smiled, pleased at such praise, but I quickly resumed my stony air. "_What_ is it that you want to do, Miss Victoria?"

I felt her lean over my hands, which were still firmly planted on my desk. One was still in a brace, and my back still ached. _Funny… I didn't really notice until now. _

She smelled of freshly washed sheets and mint. I parted my lips to tell her to back away, and she must have taken that as an assent.

Seras kissed me.

Her lips were soft, the barest pressure against my own. She made a small noise in the back of her throat, a quiet mewling. I stiffened in surprise. _Good Lord! I-…_ I didn't know what to think. I couldn't think… My whole world shrank to the feel of her moist, velvet mouth against my own. I fought it, beating my traitor brain into submission. "Seras," I said through our pressed lips.

"Yes?" A familiar tingle ran down my spine, the power that announced _his_ presence flooding the room. Seras seemed oblivious.

"Move!"

"What?" She pulled away, but only a little, her voice carrying more surprise than question.

"_She said MOVE!"_ It was somewhere between a hiss and a roar. Seras gasped as she was rudely jerked from in front of my face, the wind of her passing sending a tremor through my hair. There was a loud thump, and the crash and tinkle of glass. "_What have you done to her, you pathetic excuse for a corpse?" _His anger rolled over me in crushing waves, and I was not even the focus. _Seras must be terrified. I suppose it serves her right. That was inappropriate. _

"Alucard, calm down. Now, Seras, explain yourself." I sighed, my lips still tingling from the recent attention. _I can see why the first kiss is such a monumental event. It's not bad, I suppose. I just never expected to receive mine from a woman. _

"Please, Sir. I can't explain." _That's strangely familiar. _I raised an eyebrow.

"Is that so?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Well, then, I shall simply have to confine you to your quarters until you feel otherwise." I sighed, and rested my chin on my loosely folded hands. "We'll continue our discussion at that time. Dismissed."

"Yes, Sir." There was the crunching of glass, and the door opened and shut.

An uncomfortable silence settled in the room. Suddenly, the glass snapped and crackled. The noise grew louder and louder as he came closer, until his presence beat on my face like the sun. _How can he be so cold, yet give off such heat? I don't understand._ "Master?"

"Yes?"

"How shall I punish her?"

"You won't. She's just a confused girl." Even I knew I was wrong. Seras was a woman. We both knew that, yet, I didn't really grasp the full meaning of it. _A woman._ I remembered the way her hips moved under that outrageously short skirt, how her breasts were full and round, how her waist narrows… the smooth transitions of her curves… _Dear God, what has gotten into me?_

"No, Master. She has overstepped her boundaries. I cannot let that go unpunished. I am simply asking you for your opinion on how it should be done."

I smirked. "And If I order you not to?"

"Then you will be overriding your previous order to 'train her well.' I will then, of course, train her as well as I see fit."

I leaned back in my chair. I knew that whatever came out of my mouth he would carry out, to the letter. _What does she deserve? Latrine detail? No. It's not… it's not fitting. Kiss a man? No. That's not really a punishment. _I remembered her soft lips, and the small wonder of a kiss. _To share that with a man…_ My mind, of course, conjured up the most prevalent man in my life: Alucard. My mouth twitched, and I fought to maintain my expression.

A soft growl sounded from in front of me.

If I still had eyes, they would have widened in dread. _He was reading my thoughts! That bastard! _

"Want to find out?"

"Alucard…" It was a warning. There was the pressure of a hand on the side of my face, and then his mouth was on mine.

This was different. This kiss didn't hold any sweetness, just power. Power and heat. His lips massaged and explored my own, mashed tightly against mine. The hand on the side of my face slipped around to behind my head, angling my face and pressing me closer. I stood still, as I had done for Seras, and enjoyed this new sensation.

He pulled away, and I could almost see his smirk. "_That's_ what it's like to kiss a man, my Master."

"Tell me, Monster, what is it about losing my eyesight that seems to make everyone think that it is appropriate to take advantage of me, hmm?"

He grunted.

"Exactly. It is not appropriate at all. Now, please leave."

"What about Seras?" Suddenly, he was all business. _Hmm._

"I trust your judgment. Just no physical harm, please."

"As you wish." He faded away, until I was alone.

_My God… This place is going to Hell!_


	7. Mismatched Lovers

A/N: I'm going to be gone to a computer-less place for a week and a half, so this will be the last chapter for a bit. Assuming I even get it out before I leave… Well, if you're reading this, I've managed it! This gets a little heated, but not enough that I would change it to M.

Anonymous Review Replies:

Bobalina: Laughs Will do!

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing

**A week.** One of my two weeks to prepare for the Round Table Conference had passed, and I had accomplished next to nothing. True, my papers were replied to in a timely manner… _I suppose that counts for something_. I sat in my office, alone. Tonight's papers were done, Alucard had taken his leave. Seras had not yet returned from the night's mission. In other words, all was quiet. I reached for a cigar, when a tingle down my spine decided my peace was at its end.

"_What,_ Alucard?"

There was a clatter and a clank, and something heavy hit the back of my hand. _What…? _ I ran my hand along the cool, slick surface, until it came to a point. _My- My sword? Of course, I was hit by the grip.  
_  
"Come practice with me." He was serious, and I gave him an incredulous look.

"Alucard, have you honestly forgotten that I happen to be blind?"

"No. It's just that re-learning how to fight will certainly impress the Round Table." He was right, damn him._ He's got me, Lord help us…_

"Fine then, shall we?"

**So I found** myself in the ballroom, sword in tow.

I could not remember the ballroom, unused for many years. I had a vague memory of pink tile and gold curtains, but other than that I drew a blank. I had not been in this room for years upon years.

"Now, Master, Hit me. I'll keep talking." He started in on a flattering description of myself. "Golden locks, cascading from a heritage-browned brow…" I swung at him, slashing into flesh and bone. He growled, and was suddenly behind me, whispering the merits of my shapely hands. I turned and brought the sword around at head level, a spray of liquid landing on my cheeks. I rested the point on the ground, and spun around in a slow circle. I smiled, my weakness forgotten with this rush of adrenaline.

Something slammed into my right hand, and knocked my weapon from my grasp.

I heard the clatter of my sword as it hit the ground, and then he was upon me. I threw a swift punch to the front, feeling the crunch of bone underneath my fist. Still he came, landing a soft punch on my shoulder and sweeping my feet out from underneath me with a gentle kick. I fell to the floor, frustrated. "You're being too soft. For Christ's sake, hit me! I can bloody take it!" I jumped to my feet.

The next punch caught me in the chest. It knocked the wind out of me, and I staggered backwards, wheezing. He stepped closer, and I swung my foot up into his stomach. He grabbed it in an unbreakable grip. I punched at my own head level, and caught him in what I assume was his throat. He dropped me out of his vise-like grasp, and I rolled away backwards. I stood once more, breathing heavily. _Yes! **This** is living!_

Suddenly I was falling. I winced, expecting the solid crack of skull on floor, but there was a hand between my head and the cold tiled floor, and a weight on my waist. Soft strands fell on my face, and his breath slid along my cheek. Alucard had, quite literally jumped on me. He straddled my waist, and his hands grabbed the sides of my head. His lips mashed against mine once more, but this time they pulled at my own until we were both kneading and biting at each other's mouths. I enjoyed the moment, teasing his lips with my own until he grew so frustrated he would lean forward more and force us together.

We finally broke the kiss, both gasping and satisfied. The heat of battle had settled over us like a flaming crimson mantle, and neither of us cared much anymore. I grabbed fistfuls of his shirt, and his hands enfolded my own, cold, yet warm. Heat was bleeding into them with snail's speed. He whispered to me, "Let go, Master." He gently disentangled my fingers, and clasped them in his hands. "There is nothing to fear, Master." I opened my mouth to protest, but his hand covered my lips. "I can smell it, Integra… among other things." I closed my mouth.

He dropped my hands, and there was a rustling of cloth and a soft thud. Alucard caught up my fingers again, and pressed my fingertips to his chest once more. This time, however, my hands met bare flesh. I pressed my palms against the smooth skin, running my hands over the faint outlines of wiry muscle. He shivered under my touch, and he grabbed my wrists. It was a firm hold, but it allowed me movement. I traced the lines of his chest, painting a picture in my mind of pale flesh, a vision of him. I smoothed my palms over a taut stomach, pausing in the various hills and valleys of his hips. I hooked my hands in his waistband, forcing him to let go of me. I grabbed at the air until I found his arms again, and then slid my hands up them to his broad shoulders. I locked them behind his neck, and tangled his velvet hair in my curious fingers. It was spun silk, heavy in my hands, and I remembered the inky blackness of it. Funny, I'd never held it before. Ironic it should be now, when I could only admire it in one way.

It was just then that someone knocked.

I jumped at the sudden noise. Alucard hissed, and I unsuccessfully tried to roll out from under him. "Who's there?"

After a moment: "It's Seras, Sir. Walter sent me to-" I didn't hear the rest, because Alucard whispered in my ear.

"_Shall we let her in, My Master?"_ He stroked along my side, making me shiver. "_She really does love you, you know. I've seen into her head… She also wants you."_

"_Weren't you angry with her a couple days ago?" _I felt him shrug.

"_Even an old dog can learn new tricks, Master. And if this is what it takes to please you…"_

There was another knock. "Sir Hellsing? Halloo? Are you in there?"

I made my decision. "Come in, Seras."

The door opened, and I heard her gasp. "Master! Get off her right now!"

I sighed in exasperation. How was I to explain this? Did I really want to? _No, not at all. _"Just come here." _What a sight we must be, covered in blood on the floor! _

"N-No… MASTER! STOP IT," Seras screeched. I heard Alucard sigh.

"This isn't another dream Seras. Now do as my Master says."

"Not… not a dream?"

"No Seras," I said, comfortingly. "Come to us. Just... lock the door."

I heard the click as Seras locked the door behind herself, and then she ran over to us. Suddenly she was on top of me, kissing all around my face. Alucard's deep-throated laugh filled my right ear as his lips pulled on the lobe. My hands wandered, running through Seras' shock of hair, slipping down her back and then up her sides. I cupped her breasts, massaging them gently with my palms. She gave a little moan, and then fixed her lips upon my own. This kiss was also less sweet, a heated press of lips. I used the tricks I had on Alucard, and she played back. We nipped and bit and teased until we couldn't stand it anymore. Then we kissed deeply, an openmouthed affair.

Alucard growled, and I bent my arm to stroke his face. "There, there, now. Don't get flustered…"

I felt Seras sit up, and I followed suit. This placed me in Seras' lap, my breasts pressed against hers. Alucard scooted in behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and pressing his groin into my tailbone. It was hot, even through the cloth of our pants. I leaned into him, and he groaned. His hands found my chest, and he slowly kneaded my breasts. It was an odd feeling, but pleasurable nonetheless. I settled in against him, shuffling backwards with my hips. He hissed, and raised his hips to meet mine. Seras, meanwhile, was busy unbuttoning my jacket. Together they slipped it off my shoulders, and it disappeared from my realm of awareness. Next she busied herself with the buttons of my dress-shirt, while Alucard tore at the tie around my neck. Vaguely I thought, _I'll need a new tie,_ but that part of my mind was quickly smothered by this new beast.

The shirt vanished as well, and there they paused. I reached up, my hand landing on top of one of Seras' breasts. I let it travel upwards, until it found the piece of cloth in front of her throat. I carefully undid the two buttons, and slid my hands inside her shirt, caressing the lines of her throat. She shivered, and whispered, "_Master of my Master…"_

With that they flew to my clothing, Seras tugging at my pants, and Alucard fumbling with my bra. "Stop," I muttered. "Stop it." They both froze in mid-action, then let go. "Those stay on."

"Yes… fine then…" They murmured an assent, and fell upon me once more.  



	8. Gift

A/N: Okay, I mean it this time! This is the LAST one before I leave! I swear! (I leave tomorrow, so believe me...)

Anonymous Review Responses:

Captain Frozen Hotdog: Thanks!

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing. Mr. Hirano does.

**We lay in a pile**, smiling and sated. Seras curled up next to me, nuzzling the side of my breast with her nose. I lay in Alucard's arms, twirling a strand of his midnight hair around my finger. His lips barely brushed my cheek, and he sighed. Seras made a little noise of happiness, and I stroked her head with my bad hand. Both of my monsters were content. _My monsters. Now they really are mine, heart and soul, blood and bone. _

_Yes, mine, and all that it entails. They were mine before, but not in this sense. _I smiled. _They belong to me. _Seras shifted a little, and Alucard pressed his mouth against my cheek. _But what does this mean? What will they expect from me now? Will they want to do this often? What happens now?_

_And they will depend on me. All through the course of our… whatever it's called, not sex… not making out, quite… Oh, bugger. Well, all through the course of our something, I don't think either of them touched the other, or if they did, it was by accident. Their hands were always on me, searching, caressing… _I shivered with the memory.

"What is it?" Seras mumbled.

"I was just thinking, that's all." I continued to stroke her head, and she leaned into it like a cat.

"And what were you contemplating, Master?" Alucard murmured.

"I was trying to think of why neither of you would touch the other. Even now you're on opposite sides of me… or did I just not see it?" They both went very still.

"Well, Sir, I don't like Master like that. He's a bit more like a mentor than an a lover to me." Seras shrugged, digging into my ribs. "I like you, Sir."

I chuckled. "You can call me Integra, Seras. But just when we're alone."

"Okay… Integra." She squealed and bumped into me, laughing. "I've wanted to say that to you for so long!" Her joy was infectious, and soon I was laughing as well. Alucard started up too, and we all shared a good laugh that left me grinning.

"And I see Seras as my child. She is simply not a sexual object in my eyes," Alucard said, holding me closer against his bare chest. "However, you, my Master, are."

I smirked. "So I'm the binding here. How… interesting."

Suddenly Seras leapt up, her foot resting against my hip. Alucard tensed, and I frowned in confusion.

"Miss Hellsing, your evening meal awaits." I let out a breath. _Just Walter._

"Thank you, Walter. Please bring me a new tie, if you would."

"Right away." The door shut, and Seras vanished from my side.

"Stop pacing, Police Girl, it was just Walter." Alucard ordered, exasperated.

"Just WALTER? Now he knows! Oooh, this is SO embarrassing… and what if he tells somebody? Then Integra's image will be ruined… the Round Table will make fun of her! Don't they already think she's sleeping with you? And another thing-"

"Seras! Calm yourself. Walter won't breathe a word." I sighed. _Good old Walter. He took it in stride. Nothing fazes that man. _

"H-How do you know, Sir? Walter's so unpredict-"

I turned my head to where the sound was coming from, and raised and eyebrow. Even without the eyes, the look still worked. She shut up. "Actually, I find Walter _very_ predictable. Now, help me back into my shirt, the both of you." Alucard helped me to my feet, and soon my arm was slipping into a sleeve. Someone managed to sheathe my other arm in the cloth, and then hands set to work on the buttons.

I heard shoes clicking on the tile, and Walter spoke. "Here is your replacement, Sir Hellsing." A long, cloth strip was gently pressed into my hand.

"Wonderful. I'll be up to my office in a minute."

"Yes, my lady." The clicking grew fainter and fainter until it vanished altogether. I slipped the cloth around my neck, and the ends were gently withdrawn from my fingers. They tugged and pulled; eventually tying the strip into a weight at my throat that I could only assume was a decent knot. I reached my hand up and felt around it, the tube of the knot and the billowing loops of the tie. _Perfect. It must have been Alucard. Seras wouldn't know how to do that, I don't think. _ A hand that was not my own smoothed down my hair, and an arm slipped through mine.

"Shall we?" Alucard asked, his voice full of mirth.

I smiled. "No. You two go back and attend to your own affairs. Good morning." I disentangled myself from the Nosferatu and took careful steps toward where I assumed the door was.

"Um… that's the wall." Seras pointed out.

I sighed, and an arm slipped through mine once again. Alucard's voice sounded in my ear. "Let me guide you, Master. It'll go faster. Or, is that just too terrible a fate?" Seras giggled in the background.

"Fine," I growled, "Let's _go_ then."

**The cigar dangled** from my lips, releasing its sweet-smelling smoke. Walter had already come in and cleaned up dinner, leaving room for my arms to just lie on my desktop. My bad wrist was throbbing, and my back and head hurt from the day's exertions. I was calm, though, more at peace than I had been in a long time. _Funny how suddenly discovering one is in the middle of a bisexual threesome can have such a calming effect…_ I laughed, amused, but it was soon replaced with a frown.

_What have I become? Some cheap whore out for kicks? No. It's not like that. It's so much more. For the first time in my life, I feel fulfilled. I don't feel like I'm alone._

_I haven't felt this way since Father died. _

_What would he say if he knew his little girl was kissing vampires? He would be disappointed in me. He would scold me like a child… but I am no longer a child. I can make this choice myself._

_Was it a choice? Yes, I suppose so. I let Alucard hold me and I asked Seras join us. What has gotten into me?_ I leaned back in my chair. _Love? Is that what it is? Of course not. No one can love a monster, much less two. All they can feel is lust._

_But not for each other, apparently. _

_So they both depend on me. Will this become just another burden? What do we do now? _I knew the answer to that, and it was a simple one. _Nothing. We will continue on as we always have, just a little closer, I suppose. This cannot interrupt Hellsing's mission, or the preparations for the Round Table conference. I will not allow it. _

_So that's settled. _I blew out, releasing smoke into the air. I remembered the blue swirls climbing from the tip of my cigar, ending in ghostly grey whorls. I took such pleasure from watching the elegant curls, and now I never would again. _Blindness has taken from me many things, but it has also given. _I remembered the feel of loving hands upon my skin, soft lips upon mine. _Is it really a gift?_

_I don't know._

_I guess I shall simply have to wait and see._


	9. Agreement

A/N: I'm Baa-aack! Yay! Welcome to Chapter 9, "Agreement." Here we begin to wind down with the climax: The dreaded Council meeting! Yep, and just when you think the story's going to end soon, it takes a new twist! Read and find out!

Disclaimer: I no own de Hellsink.

**Riding in a car** is a singular experience, when one cannot see. The feeling of motion without any solid visual evidence is sickening. I sat in the back of the Rolls as Walter drove us toward my judgment. By "us" I mean Seras and me. She sat next to me, close but not touching. "So, are you nervous, Sir?" Seras inquired.

The corners of my mouth curled. "No. I have faith in our preparations. There is nothing to fear."

"Oh, good. I guess I'll be nervous for the both of us then!" Her tone was bright but forced. I turned and gave her a full-fledged smile, for her sake.

_Why aren't I nervous? Should I be? No… We've done enough._ The three of us had been practicing furiously for the last week, turning the ballroom into a makeshift arena. Well, at least, Alucard and I did. Seras hovered somewhere in the background making loud noises of sympathy and excitement. An "ooh" here, a "look out!" there…

I had been studying Braille like a madwoman, with my instructor to guide me and Alucard there as a silent support. I had more than a basic command of the system, and it would be adequate for anything they might ask me to read.

Walter, Alucard, Seras and I also had a plan. We had sat down to arrange it, the four of us. We had decided that the best defense would be to show a united front. So we had choreographed a performance, of sorts. We had mapped out down to each step the way I would be helped out of the car, the way we would progress through the corridors, and finally, how I would be seated and stand. _The first part of this game should begin soon. _

"Here we are. The Knight's Hall. Seras?" Walter stopped the car as he spoke, and the feeling of movement left the pit of my stomach. A hand enveloped mine and squeezed, then a car door opened and shut. A brief moment later the door on my side opened, exposing my body to the cool night air. I turned and drew my feet outside of the Rolls Royce. A hand took mine, and I carefully ducked out of the car. The door was shut behind me and a heavy cloth was laid over my shoulders. _My coat. Perfect. Seras and Walter played their parts beautifully. _And why, you ask, did we go to such lengths? _Because they are watching. There are cameras all over the building. They can see us. _

Now all there was to do was to hold our collective breath and wait for Alucard's appearance.

I heard the screeching of bats first.

It came closer and closer, until it swarmed all around me. Leathery wings brushed my sleeves, my hair, my face, until they all collected on my left. An arm slipped through mine, and he whispered in my ear: "My lady."

"Good show, Monster." I smiled again, and we walked towards the door.

**The hallway** lasted forever. I walked in a stately manner as possible with Alucard's arm locked in my left. My coat hung from my shoulders, a medal-covered mantle. It clanked as I walked, billowing on the right. We were a solemn procession, Walter in front, Seras in back, just as we had planned. I heard the creak as Walter swung the double doors to the Knight's Hall wide. _Finally._

It was warmer in the Hall. I felt it hit my face, a different kind of heat than Alucard's on my left. We walked into the chamber, feet clicking over the tile. I remembered how ornate the room was, all dark wood and gold accents. I mentally shook myself from the memory, and took a breath. This was it. _The final part of our performance begins._ Alucard led me to a chair, which was pulled back by Seras, just as we had discussed. Walter swept the coat off my shoulders, and I sat down in the seat. _Flawless._ I had been worried that this particular bit of choreography might be too obvious, or that I would seem helpless. They had assured me that they would play their parts with the utmost subtlety. Seras had also chimed in that I could never seem helpless, even if I was in a wheelchair. That had made me smile.

There was silence in the Hall. Then, I heard the whisper of paper on wood. "This Braille contract carries our decision. Simply read it and sign at the bottom." I felt myself blanch. _That's it? They aren't even going to test me? This is a mockery. I refuse to even attempt to read this nonsense. _A pen was slipped into my fingers, presumably by Walter.

I growled, and slammed the pen down on the table. "I will not sign this." Murmurs sprouted up around the table, growing louder with each new leaf. Finally, Sir Islands spoke.

"And why not, Sir Hellsing? The council has made its judgment. You will relinquish your position. Now sign the paper." Silence descended on those gathered. "Come now, Integra, you know this is best for the country." I set my mouth in a grim line._ So this is what the "contract" contains… _I felt the heat rise in my soul.

"Don't you DARE call me by my first name like we remain old friends, Sir Islands. You have done my father, our ancestors and me an injustice by presenting me with such a contract. Do not expect to be forgiven." I stood, and leaned over my hands on the table. "I will NOT sign this. I will not reduce the honor of my family to that of a common workman's by signing an agreement. Have you all no respect for the achievements of my family? Have you forgotten that it is my line and I who have ensured the safety of England? Yes, you must have. You must not realize that after you have made this proclamation that you will never sleep easy again, knowing that an amateur will be battling the monsters of the night. You poor, poor desk-ridden fools!"

"That is QUITE enough, Sir Hellsing!" Sir Islands shouted. "You have no right to abuse us so!"

"Yet, you have the right to abuse me so. How typically male of you. I thought you had more in you, Islands." I pointed out.

"SIR INTEGRAL FAIRBROOK WINGATES HELLSING, I-" Sir Islands was cut off by the slamming of a door.

"Announcing Her Majesty, the Queen." It was an unfamiliar voice, but Her heralds were not acquaintances of mine. I shot to my feet, and heard a soft "oof" as my chair slammed into Seras, who was standing behind me as planned. The others stood as well, scraping their chairs against the tile.

"Your Majesty, this is an unexpected surprise!" Sir Islands was still the spokesman for the group.

I heard the rich tones of our Queen. "No, I do believe THIS is the surprise. What is this all about, and why are you berating Sir Hellsing? Most of all, why was I not informed that the Twelve would be meeting? This is a severe breach of royal protocol."

Sir Corde, one of the older Knights, spoke up next. "We apologize, Your Majesty. We never should have convened without your knowledge. That was our mistake."

I heard the jarring screech of chair on tile, and soon it was followed by many more. I heard Alucard's voice in my ear as a hand pushed me down. "The Queen has seated herself."

"What was so urgent that you would convene with such suddenness? I can't imagine why it should be so fast that I was informed so late." The Queen sounded perplexed, and not very angry at all. _My God, she really believes that this was a last minute meeting. Such faith in us… I am almost ashamed to be one of the Twelve. _

A piece of paper was pressed into my hands, and Walter whispered in my ear, "The letter." _Good old Walter. Prepared for anything. _I focused my attention on Sir Corde, who was busy avoiding the question. I then threw the paper on the table in the general direction of Her Majesty's voice.

"This was no spur of the moment council, Your Majesty. They prepared two weeks for this." There was silence once more, until she spoke again.

"Sir Hellsing, Can you still wage war against the undead, and hold up the honor of England and your house?" The room burst into objection, each man shouting his own protests. Then the noise died as if she had lifted a silent hand to quiet them.

I took a deep breath, and turned my head towards her general direction. "Yes, Your Majesty, I can."

"Will you do so?"

"Yes, Your Majesty, I will." I said it as solemnly as I had sworn my oath when I first was knighted.

"Well then, I don't see what all this fuss is about… However,…." The room exploded with noise once more, Sir Islands' the loudest amongst them.

"Your Majesty, you have made a grave mistake!"

"You believe I have made a mistake, Sir Islands? Well, would you PLEASE allow me to pass the second half of my judgment?" She then addressed me gravely, and I sat up straighter in my chair. "Sir Hellsing."

"Yes, Your Majesty?"

"You will retain your position as the head of Hellsing, under one condition: you must produce an heir within the next five years. During this five-year period, you may not, under any circumstances, participate in field missions of any kind. Do you agree to these terms?"

I heard Seras gasp, and I could almost imagine Alucard's face. _Bloody idiots, they'll give it all away. _I folded my hands, and began to think. _This is a small price to pay, and I knew it was going to come about eventually. I should count my blessings._

"I accept."


	10. Decision

A/N: Here's another update... I keep getting ahead of myself... I've written the ending and the first part of the sequel.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hellsing.

"**This is… a disaster**… Sir, what are we going to do?" Seras sounded panicked and frightened. "They want you to have a baby? Are you going to have to get married? What will happen with us? What does Master think? Will he be mad? God, a baby!" The car filled with her worries, and it became stifling… for they were mine as well. _I grow tired of this…_

My braced right hand searched the air until I found her face, and I cupped her cheek in my hand. My left rose to her face as well, tracing the lines of her face and ending with her mouth. I pressed my gloved finger to her lips, cold even through the cloth. She closed her mouth and I smiled ever so slightly. "Quiet. Good." We stayed there, in that pose of lovers for a few seconds. Then I sighed, and let my hand fall onto the smooth leather seat.

"We'll talk when we get home, Seras. For now, relax. It's a nice drive, if I remember correctly." I withdrew my hand from her cheek. _I haven't a bloody clue if it's a nice drive or not. I never noticed… I wasn't one for scenery. _

"R-right."

Walter then began to talk; explaining the history of what I gathered to be a graveyard. _We must be passing it by… _I rubbed my temples, and pulled at the corner of my sewn lid by mistake_. I wonder how hideous I must look. _I shrugged it off. _Not important._

_What **is** important, _I mused, _is this agreement of the Queen's and mine. Five years from now, I will have a family… _ It didn't feel real. I couldn't wrap my mind around the concept. _A family… that means a spouse. A husband. A human husband. _I waited expectantly, but not sudden realization came upon me. _Husband._

It hit that time.

I sighed and wrung my hands. _I'm going to get married._

"**Master… _What will you do_?"** The question hung in the air, ringing in my ears. The feeling in the room was tense, like everything depended on my answer. _In a way, it does._

I had been sitting peacefully in my office when they decided to join me. Seras had slipped in the door; Alucard had entered through some other means. At first the silence had been expectant, laced with some kind of urgency. They needed to know.

I didn't know myself. That was a decision I had been hoping to make a good couple of years from now. _What **will** I do? I have become their Master and their Lover, after a fashion. Is it acceptable to be both? Do I want to be both?_

_Yes. _

"I will not abandon you."

I heard Seras release a shaky sigh of relief. "I-I thought… you might leave us… tell us not to come near you like that again… oh God…." I heard her choke.

"Seras, I… I will not leave you. No point in sniveling about it. Shape up, now."

"Yes, Sir… Integra." A soft form enveloped me in its arms, and squeezed. I rested my cheek against a cold one, and sighed. The grip grew tighter, like steel, and I winced.

"Seras, please."

She giggled, and let go. "Sorry about that."

A chilled hand curled my own around itself, and soft lips pressed themselves to the back of my hand. "Thank you, Integra." It was his voice, velvety and deep. My hand was released, and I reached out, tentatively brushing cloth. I furrowed my brow, and kept my hand against the arm, I think it was. _I don't know how to ask for this… I just don't want to be alone right now. _ The words formed in my mind, but I could not get them past my lips. _Stay here…_

The sleeve was withdrawn from my grasp, and the door shut.

I hoisted myself up onto the edge of my desk, and buried my face in my hands. _I didn't do it. I let them go. I'm a coward. _I shuddered, remembering the feel of bodies against mine. _I need that comfort now._ _I'm going to have to have_ _a baby, a husband… dear God… _I trembled again, this time with revulsion.

"Don't cry, Integra…." Seras whispered, making me jump. She was close, and I hadn't even noticed, as absorbed in self-pitying as I was. A weight settled against my legs, and a hand pulled mine away from my face.

"She's not crying. Master never cries, Seras." Alucard was at my side again, on top of the desk. I leaned back a bit to discover that there was a support behind me, which I slowly identified as a limb. He was on my right, with one leg bent up behind me.

"Never?" Seras inquired, "Then what were you doing?"

"Just, thinking…" I sighed, and slumped over. Alucard caught me against his chest, and Seras wrapped around my dangling legs. "You didn't leave?"

"We would never leave you like this. You should know that, my Integra." Someone began to stroke my hair, and I grimaced.

"'Your' Integra? I believe it is I that owns you, Monster." I laughed, and it echoed off the huge office walls. I never understood why the office was so big; it seemed to me to be a waste of space. _I'll have to- I mean; Walter will have to look it up for me. _I frowned, and Seras made a noise of question. I shook my head and said, "It's nothing. I was just reflecting on something blindness has taken from me."

"What's that?" She was curious.

"Oh, I've always wondered who ordered the office to be built so large… It's such a waste… I would always tell myself I'd look it up sometime, but now I never will…" I smiled. "It's not like I'd have gotten around to it if I still had my sight. It simply wasn't important enough."

"Sir George Hellsing III." Alucard said, with glee.

"Would that be the third Hellsing, Master, or the third George?" Seras sounded confused.

Alucard and I replied at the same time, "George."

He continued, "George was a pompous bastard. He had this room filled with chairs and couches and friends, mostly women. I never liked him. He ignored me, or showed me off to his lady friends."

I gave a wry smile. "You must have loved that last one."

He grunted, "Hmph."

I smiled and Seras laughed, all thoughts of marriage and children gone for that moment.


	11. Farewell to Paradise

A/N: Ahhh! I'm so sorry! It's been so long! Please don't hurt me!

The following is a fanwork by Protégé:

_I was lying in my bed after some comfort from my monsters. Seras was hugging my waist and Alucard was on my side, purring as I stroked his face. I was calm, nothing else worried me, and no thoughts of marriage or children were haunting my mind. Seras sighed and moved, and I didn't know what she was doing until I felt her breath on my face. She kissed me deeply, and as always her kisses were more innocent that those from Alucard, but when we tried to separate, something happened. One of her fangs got stuck in my lower lip, making it bleed some drops. She recoiled as if she had burst my head when they touched her tongue. I heard Alucard hissing at her as she whimpered softly and I felt his possessive embrace. I couldn't help but to chuckle and as I calmed Alucard down. I raised my hands looking for Seras, and when I found her I forced her to resume our kiss, letting her taste a little of my blood. Her whimpers became moans and Alucard growled in exasperation. He wanted some too._

Okay. The rest is all me : )

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing.

Three years.

Tonight was the three-year anniversary of the Deal. I had planned this carefully: Three years to console Alucard and Seras, one year to find a suitable husband, and the last year to bear a child. Three years, and now my time was running out. The search for a man of promising mind and proven blood _must_ begin.

But how to tell them?

_Summon them to my office? No. Too formal_. A formal announcement would be made, but that's not how they deserved to find out. They were more than my staff… they were my lovers. I flinched at the word. _Lovers. Three years together and I still have trouble accepting it. _ I sighed in exasperation, rolling over under the covers. They would be here soon, to join me, as was our custom. I had to decide now.

The door creaked, and a whisper flit across the room. "Integra?"

"Come here, Seras."

She padded over to my bedside, and I felt the pressure next to my legs as she sat down. I heard the hissing of zippers as she removed her boots. I slid over, and she laid down next to me. All routine. All normal.

But today was not a normal day.

I reached out and ran my hands along her side, and she snuggled closer to my body. We hadn't made love in a while; she was probably itching for it. It took a male body to defile me, and Seras' flesh was pure woman. We had discovered that any sort of sexual contact between us was safe, and preserved my virginity. Walter had been discreet with the library search. _That man is more invaluable every day. _

I didn't feel like sex, though. I felt like holding. I wanted that contact of flesh on flesh that would get me through the coming ordeal. I wrapped her hand in mine, cold as it was, and ran it against my cheek. We had at least an hour until Alucard would make his entrance, and then one last hour all together before sunrise. Sometimes I wasn't even awake when he joined us, which was fine. He and he alone was my wake up call the next evening.

There was silence.

"Seras… You DO know what today is?"

"Yes, I do. Is it time?" The question she had asked for the past three years.

A familiar tingle went down my spine. _But it's far too early for him to come in here… _"Yes."

Seras gave a little squeak, and then there was a loud thump, as if she had fallen off the bed. I took a short breath and then Alucard was atop me, a weight on my arms and legs. "Integra…" He purred, "Let me take you… take you as the monster I am. Let me gift you the power and vitality… Integra, let me give you back your sight."

I said nothing.

"Then, Sir Integral Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing, let me take you in the way only a man can." His voice dropped a little, into that unique velvety deepness that betrayed his thoughts. His mind was geared towards flesh in every way.

"But you are not a man, Alucard." I was stalling, postponing the inevitable.

"No, I am not a man. I can never be man enough for you, can I, Integra?" His voice had changed in a way I couldn't explain. It retained its deepness, but it had gained a new quality. Not anger, or my spine would have been sending lightning signals to my fingertips. Disappointment? Sadness? _Perhaps._ "Let me do this, My Master. Allow me to repair my mistake. Then let me be the man to your woman in this respect. And for once, I can be a man and a man alone to you." The stopped, and the room held its breath. There was no movement; Seras was no longer moving about on the floor. I was pinned to my mattress by stone, immovable and untouchable stony stillness.

I knew what I had to say, what I was going to say, but it wasn't what I wanted to say.

I wanted to tell him yes. I wanted to tell him to share this with me, this bit of my life. I wanted to bond with him in a way only we could. I wanted him to guide me in my blindness, with Seras at my other hand. I wanted it to be this way forever, to always have them, and always to be loved, with no husband to interfere. I wanted immortality, to share with these extraordinary creatures. I wanted my eyes back. I wanted to see Seras' face after we kiss, or Alucard's hands as they enfold my own. I wanted to make up all the time that was stolen from me, all the time I could have had in my youth. _If Father hadn't died… I could have had lovers and friends. I wouldn't trade all the time with all lovers in the world for the time I have spent with my two demons. _ And I could have it. I could have all eternity to share with them. Alucard had offered me the ultimate gift; paradise was at my fingertips.

All I had to do was say yes.

"No."

Seras gasped, and I felt Alucard melt. He molded to my body, and rested his face against my cheek. The bed creaked as Seras rejoined us.

"I will give you one thing, though." I smiled.

"And what might that be, Mas- UGH!" His breath caught as I sank my teeth into his neck. I bit, hard enough to make any human bleed. The skin gathered in my mouth, and I ran my tongue over the velvety flesh in my grip. He gasped, and then groaned. "Integra…" I bit harder, determined to draw blood. My wrists were seized, and gripped tightly in large hands. Hard enough to make them throb, and to send pain shooting up my bad arm. I hissed, and slammed my teeth together. His skin gave, and his blood filled my mouth. It was metallic, but not like human blood. This tasted like I had rolled a new penny around inside my mouth, hot off the press. Hard, biting, and burning. It seared my mouth, and I jerked away in surprise. He grunted as I ripped away his flesh. I swallowed in disgust, sending the fiery blood down my throat. The hunk of skin was still in my mouth, heavy and rapidly cooling. I turned my head away from Alucard, and spat it onto either the bed or the floor. Wet warmth spilled over my chest; making the silk I wore stick to my skin.

I coughed, and my lips also began to tingle. Suddenly my head slammed down into the pillow as Alucard kissed me, licking all over my lips and running his tongue along my bloody teeth. I shivered, and he finished his attentions with a light kiss.

"I love you, My Master."

"Hmm." I smiled, ever-so-slightly.

"Jeez, do I have to get dismembered too to get a kiss in?" Seras' tone was joking, but I felt Alucard shift to make room. I imagined Alcard's face if she had dared to tap him on the back.

I chuckled. My laughter was smothered with another mouth.

_So it begins._


	12. Abyss

A/N: This installment skips a year, to Integra's wedding day. I'll stop skipping around after this, I just needed to get things to a point where I was inspired again. I was thinking, and There are going to be TWO sequels to this. The first sequel will be a series of short stories describing the child's years growing to a certain age, and then the ACTUAL sequel begins with Integra's death. I will be writing both sequels at the same time, to my dismay/excitment. I just can't wait.

So, I'm bumping this one into high-gear. Tell me if I'm going to fast, or If I need to go back and redo the chapters that SHOULD be inbetween chapters 11 and 12. Thanks : )

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing.

* * *

**She cried** the entire time. I told the staff fitting my dress Seras was crying with happiness, but I doubt they believed me. Even I could tell, just from the sound, that her tears were bitter. I stood on a stool, arms outstretched, as they made minute adjustments and clucked over my eyes. 

I imagined Seras' face, and had to set my own in stone. _The poor thing._ She would come to see that this was best. It was all for the best. I had to believe that, or I wouldn't be able to walk down the isle.

It was a few hours until sunrise. I had scheduled the ceremony to give me time to say good morning too my two lovers, and then proceed to the wedding. They would not be present. I didn't trust them not to interfere. Well, I didn't trust Alucard. Seras would just be too emotional, and dash it all to pieces, our careful masquerade.

Speaking of, they wanted me to wear a mask, a scratchy, lacy affair. I refused. I would go to my groom as I was. Nothing hidden, nothing softened. He would learn to accept me, and the introductory lesson would be our wedding day. They murmured under their breaths, but they were forced to agree. None of them (except maybe the assistant head seamstress) had the will or authority to take it to the Queen.

Besides, I had made it very clear that whoever did would no longer be in the Knight's service.

Funny thing was, to this day, I have no idea what my dress looked like. I knew the sleeves were long to cover the many scars on my arms, and I also knew they were itchy, suggesting lace. I remember that it was form fitting on top, and hard to move in that regard. The bottom was loose and made me feel naked, like dresses generally do.

_Naked_. I flinched as I realized in several short hours, I would be, and with a man I barely knew. _God help me. _

Lord Frederick Jovel. My husband-to-be. My new partner. Yes, a partnership. That's all it would be to me. That would be what he would get from this. A loyal partner. Not a lover, not a wife, not a soulmate. A business partner. This union was entirely for show, a bonding in which he would receive power, and I an heir. Nothing more. Nothing less. I would fulfill my duty as his equal. Assuming he would treat me as such; I expected no less.

The search had gone well; a match to my specifications was found within weeks of my assent. The Queen's people had done their job well. Millitary, a Lord, Intelligent, mentally flexible, business-like.

He was young, however, younger than me. Barely twenty-one. I felt old, my thirty-three years weighing heavily on my mind. It felt like an eternity away. He had served in the military. He had seen death, had seen destruction. Still, he was just a babe. He had never witnessed the slaughter of innocent's with a monster's bare hands, had never shot an infant to end its newfound unlife.

He had stared into the abyss, but never had it stare back and laugh.

I would have to show him. I would have to guide him to that point of no return and watch him cross it. I would have to destroy him to make him the man I needed him to be. He would either pass the test or fail.

I grimaced. I sounded like Alucard in my own mind. _Is that what he did to me? Break me to make me the woman of his dreams? The woman he needed? _It didn't bother me. _I am who I am. No point in griping. I am stronger because of him. Perhaps that was his own way of expressing his love. _

The seamstresses left, closing the heavy door behind them. Just me, and my Seras. Just us, alone and cold…

She nearly knocked me off the stool with the force of her sudden embrace. I searched with my satin-clad hands until I found her face, and wiped the tears streaming from it with my gloved fingertips. "You're going to get blood all over the white," she sniffed. I laughed, full-throated and long.

"Everything else I own is blood-stained, why not my wedding dress?"

She giggled half-heartedly and released me. "I hope… I hope it goes well. I'm sorry I can't be there."

"As am I. I'm sorry. There was nothing I could do." It was a blatant lie, but she accepted it. A lie was all she had left to hold on to. All she had left. All I could give.

I felt unclean.

Impure.

Worthless.

"I have to go. Master will want to see you too."

"Yes, he will. Thank-you Seras."

"Good luck."

The door slammed shut behind her, and for a few precious moments, I was alone.

_My final moments of peace. _Soon there would be another presence, invading all of my privacy. Another person in my bathroom, another body in my bed. No more nighttime visits from my monsters. Nothing.

I sighed, and electricity crackled down my spine.

_He's here. _I waited for him to make himself known. The silence pressed in on me, until I realized it. Realized what he was doing.

He was asking. Asking if he could take me away from this, save me from my fate, save me from death itself. It was unspoken. This was my last chance; he would not ask again after I left him. He would not beg. I would not agree.

Silence.

I lifted my hand, and he took it in a gentle hold. We stayed there for a moment, and then soft, cold lips brushed against my knuckles. That simple touch held volumes.

He would still respect me, even after such a decision.

Then, slowly, the tension in my spine vanished, and I felt the fingers begin to fade. I clamped my fist shut on the last bit of his hand, and then it was gone, like smoke in the night.

The door creaked open. "It's time, Lady Hellsing."

And so, with Seras' tears upon my hands and Alucard's kiss upon my lips, I went to join my groom.


End file.
